hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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