I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
