Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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