Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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