jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
