My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
