help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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