I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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