I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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