bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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