office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
