I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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