i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
