I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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