I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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