he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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