watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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