I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
