I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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