Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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