i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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