Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
