Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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