I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
