What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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