YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
