no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
