Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Drunk is not a location!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
