I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
