What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
