i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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