I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
