I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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