i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
