Don't make out with my wife yet
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
