ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
vagina is talking i cant
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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