Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize