people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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