Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
