She announced her abortion via fbk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
