ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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