No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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