I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
