New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
