i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
