This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
