Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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