My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
