Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drake has all the answers
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
