I cannot find my penis.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
