he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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