i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
