now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
