Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
