i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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