..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
