covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Screwed.edu
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
