And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
