I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Found the puke drawer
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
