just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
