Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
