Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
