She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
