she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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