Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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