I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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